Hysterical News Agency Staff
The popular Victorian and early Edwardian music hall comedian and entertainer Dan Leno has been selected to be projected back in hologram form to first century Iceni territory in the hope of persuading Boudicca to destroy much of Roman Britain in favour of assisting with its infrastructure instead.
The news was released this afternoon amidst speculation that Leno’s hologram had been enlisted by the History Maintenance Commission from Professor Delphi’s stable of holograms to save the nation.
Dan Leno was born on December 20, 1860 in London.
He died on October 31, 1904.
He was the Pioneer of “patter” comedy. Effectively, the first stand up comedian. He created the first pantomime Dame. The role of Mother Goose was written specifically for him.
At one stage he was the highest paid comedian in the world. He created a host of mainly working class characters for his observational humour, including: Shopwalker, Grocer’s Assistant, Racegoer, Fireman, Tower of London Beefeater, Father, Hen-pecked Husband, Huntsman, Gossip Woman, Police Officer, Spanish Bandit, Hairdresser, Railway Guard, Waiter, Escaped Monkey and Pantomime Dames.
He had an ornate ability to play a multitude of characters and is thus considered adaptable to any situation that arises in the quest to persuade Boudicca to fulfil the role we associate with her.
Dan Leno was famed for his character portrayals of the underdog in life, highlighting the absurdities of their existence employing humour and pathos. The History Maintenance Commission are hopeful that his hologram will assume the role Boudicca would otherwise fill of a road salt spreader and portray it as a pathetic minor cog in the mechanism of the Romanization of Britain. This should hurt Boudicca’s pride and Holt her back to her senses.
Here are ratings supplied by customers who have hired the Dan Leno Hologram from Professor Delphi’s Stable:
●●○○○ Disappointed. H Tann, Portsmouth.
Sent the Leno Hologram back to The Gold Rush in The Klondike to warn an ancestor, Jacob O’Toole, not to trust a villain called Moany Pete with his haul of gold. Leno kept asking where Jacob was but just couldn’t seem to locate him at all, despite people shouting ‘He’s behind you!’ Several times. Leno would simply make exaggerated movements, apparently, in response to this and reply, ‘Oh no he isn’t’.
●●●●● Simply WonDanFul. T.T. Brean.
Bloody Dantastic. Sent him to entertain my ancestors in a mill in Bradford in 1807. As I felt guilty that their lives were so hard compared to mine. The Great Dan Leno had them in stitches with his comic turns but he did add that several amongst his audience were already in stitches due to the dangerous and precarious nature of their work and the complete lack of Health & Safety regs.
●○○○○ Complete Horse Dung! !!!! Bridget M Yonkers, N.Y..
Sent Leno to prevent my Great, Great, Great, Grandfather from robbing a bank in 1838 in upstate N.Y.. But Leno failed. He didn’t realize my ancestor was up to no good because nobody was booing him. Then to compound matters, he held up my ancestor’s escape by talking to the rear end of the getaway horse. Saying that from his experience on stage it was the back end of a pantomime horse that made the most sense. Manure comes out that end and I fancy that’s what the Dan Leno Hologram served up for me.
It has come to the attention of The Hysterical News Agency that concerns have been expressed amongst senior figures of The History Maintenance Commission that Dan Leno’s hologram might have already met Boudicca. For in Cassius Dio’s The Roman History Chapter LXII composed in the 2nd to 3rd century AD, Boudicca is described thus:
‘Around her neck was a large golden necklace; and she wore a tunic of divers colours over which a thick mantle was fastened with a brooch,’
This sounds uncannily like the description of Dan Leno as Widow Twankey in Aladdin at Drury Lane Theatre as it appeared in The Capital Theatregoer of December 17, 1896!