Peter Rickard for The Hysterical News Agency, Rotterdam, July 4.

Rumours were rife here in The Netherlands last night that King John might be persuaded by those who tamper with past events, to think twice before signing The Magna Carta at Runnymead in 1215. The most popular theory being that the King will get his agent to go through the document with a fine toothcomb before agreeing to sign it.

The news made waves on the International Stock Exchange as concerns were expressed as to what impact the withdrawal of the rights established for individuals in The Magna Carta would have upon present day abilities and freedoms to trade. Such was the fall in share prices that The Historical Maintenance Commission in New York City’s Madison Avenue felt obliged to issue a statement declaring their intention to investigate the matter as a matter of urgency. This swift action resulted in prices stabilising on all the International Exchanges.