Without Florence Nightingale it naturally follows that there would be no Nightingale Pledge, the famous oath all nurses take upon qualifying to care for others, writes Hysterical News Agency Correspondent Nathaniel Rees.
The History Maintenance Commission has revealed this astounding fact as part of their examination into the consequences of life without Florence Nightingale as we know her.
‘There are all sorts of impacts we would feel,’ explained HMC Chief Executive Professor Delphi from the Madison Avenue Headquarters in New York City. ‘From people living twenty years less, due to her health reforms no longer occurring, to the non existence of soap operas as she popularised the use of the hand washing experience in her everyday hygiene routines. But one that is commonly overlooked is that every day nurses around the globe are pledged to the values Miss Nightingale eschewed.’
Professor Delphi further explained that part of the Nightingale Pledge states that a nurse ‘shall abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous’.
‘That means that without Florence Nightingale nurses would not be tied to that oath so would be at liberty to play practical jokes upon patients and hospitals would become a hotbed for comedy in the UK,’ Professor Delphi declared.
It was with this in mind, that the History Maintenance Commission released their findings into how different hospitals would appear with nurses at liberty to be deleterious. The major conclusion being that departments within hospitals would be renamed to reflect the link between them and great British comedy, as the following examples testify:
- Fawlty Bowels – Gastroenterology Dept.
- The Liver Birds – Liver & Hepatology Dept.
- The Young Ones – Neonatal Dept.
- Are You Being Nerved – Neurology Dept.
- Stubbed Toe & Son – Podiatry Dept.
- Slackbladder – Urology Dept.
- It Ain’t Half Hot Mum – Radiology Dept.
- Only Fools & Horses – Psychiatric Ward.
- The Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin – Department of Urology/Erectile Dysfunction.
- Alas, Smith & Bones – X-Ray Dept.
- Horrible Hysterectomies – Gynaecology Dept.
- Brush Strokes – Neurosciences Dept.
- Keeping Up Appearances – Plastic Surgery Dept.
- Take It From Here – Phlebotomy Dept.
- Till Death Us Do Part – Organ Donor Dept.
- Rising Cramp – Orthopaedics Dept.
- You’ve Been Zimmer Framed – Physiotherapy Dept.
Categories: Florence Nightingale